Emeril Lagasse Casting Call

I just responded to a food network “green” casting call with the following:  

Lactose intolerant tech-savvy law student seeks dairy-free recipes and tips for quick delicious meals. Constantly finding yummy recipes on the worldwide web, but thwarted by the milky ways. Going dairy-free is supposedly “green” because soy-based goods don’t need smelly methane cows. Please teach me how!

Oh man. It would be totally radical if he picked me. Pretty please! Oh, and, umm… BAM!!!?