HELLO DC RESIDENTS…

I will so sublet the hell out of your Studio or 1BR apartment.

Please forward to anybody you know in DC that has one available near Foggy Bottom or on the Orange Line. 

“Do you have pet fish? I’ll feed your pet fish. And, if one of your fishes dies, I’ll buy you a new one that looks suspiciously similar to your other one and I won’t even tell you about it so you won’t have to worry about things like whether fish have souls or if they get to go to heaven. But seriously, don’t worry about it. I’ll take good care of your fish.”